This Hurt is All I Have
by ournoisyhearts
Summary: Sebastian finds himself at Regionals, though he isn't exactly sure why. Spoilers for 4x22.


The bouquet of cheap, store-bought flowers feels awkward in his hands, and Sebastian glances absently down at them, noting the mixture of oranges and pinks and whites with a stilted sort of nervousness that is unfamiliar to him. He is hit with a sudden sense of not belonging, his dark jeans and his green button down making him seem more out-of-place than his Dalton blazer ever has.

He shouldn't be here.

This is not his place. He isn't welcome in the halls of McKinley, doesn't have any reason to even be attending the Regional competition thanks to the Warblers' disqualification. And yet, something has led him to drive all the way out here from Westerville on Friday night. He feels pathetic and stupid and all sorts of uncomfortable, with his Safeway flowers and his ripped sneakers, and as the New Directions are announced as the 2013 Midwest Regional champions, Sebastian seriously contemplates sneaking out the auditorium door before anyone catches sight of him.

It soon becomes too late for that.

"What are you doing here?" Kurt demands, and Sebastian pauses on his way up the aisle to the lobby, pivoting around on one foot slowly. Hummel's eyes are narrowed carefully, and there are no signs of welcome on his face. His voice is cold, stern. He keeps his arms folded tightly across his chest, and Sebastian drops his eyes to the bouquet resting limply at his own side, picking distractedly at a loose petal that threatens to fall and flicking it off to the ground.

"I could ask you the same thing," he responds coolly before looking up again. If anything, Kurt's frustration has only mounted, but Sebastian can't find it within himself to care. He's sorry for the things he's said to Kurt, yes. But if the other boy is going to make no effort towards being civil, well, then, Sebastian isn't either.

"Look, I'm not here to fight with you," he sighs after a moment, watching as Kurt's eyebrows raise in disbelief. "I shouldn't have even come in the first place. I'll just...go."

He turns back around and makes his way out of the auditorium, ignoring the chatter and bustling excitement in the lobby in favor of pushing his way through the crowd and emerging into the (much quieter) hallway. There is a trash can situated across the way next to a row of lockers, and Sebastian deposits his flowers into the bin, the bouquet hitting the bottom with a resounding _clunk_. This was a mistake, he thinks, shoving his hands into his pockets and leaning back against the wall with a low sigh. He's not wanted here, and that in and of itself should have been obvious enough before Kurt Hummel's pinched face had to pop up and remind him.

The silence of the hallway is shattered when the auditorium doors abruptly burst open, and out comes a stream of the members of the New Directions, their cheeks flushed and their smiles wide. Sebastian only recognizes a handful of them- the kid in the wheelchair, and the hyperactive girl that's always with him- but the rest are strangers, faces that don't comprehend to him and that will never know who he is, anyway.

But then, at the back of the group, Sebastian spots Blaine, and his fingers clench around the now-invisible bunch of flowers in his hand. None of them seem to notice him, despite the fact that he is the only other one in the hallway, and Sebastian doesn't know whether he is grateful or offended. The last thing he wants is a confrontation- but then, why is he here?

The simple answer prods at the back of his mind, and Sebastian finally steps away from the wall, his fingers unconsciously reaching out and gently grasping Blaine's shoulder.

"Hey," he says quietly, and Blaine halts in confusion before turning around. The rest of the New Directions round the corner a few yards down the hall, leaving them alone, and Sebastian's stomach lurches. He watches as Blaine's eyes widen, and a wide array of emotions flits across his face- shock, annoyance, gratitude- before his features settle into something softer, yet utterly neutral. It is so unlike the expression he's been expecting that Sebastian blanches, and slowly drops his hand back to his side.

"Hi," Blaine eventually replies. His voice is hesitant, but it lacks any malice or distaste. Sebastian has to swallow to get his suddenly dry throat to work. Anything he's been planning on saying has escaped his mind, and looks down at Blaine dumbly, his mouth opening then closing again.

"I- congratulations," he manages, and some of the pride returns to Blaine's eyes, his mouth tipping upwards and his cheeks tinting red.

"Thank you," he murmurs, fiddling with his bow tie for a moment. "I didn't expect you to be here."

"Me either," Sebastian mumbles, and Blaine lifts his head to peer up at him curiously. They stare across at each other for a long moment, not speaking, and the twist in Sebastian's gut only intensifies. He forces himself to clear his throat and look away.

"I had flowers, but...they seemed a bit over the top, especially for me."

Blaine shakes his head, a tiny laugh slipping out of his mouth. "It's fine," he responds. Then, a bit quieter, "I'm just glad that you made it."

Sebastian offers him a jerky nod before rocking back and forth on his toes. This feels like the end of their conversation, and he can tell that Blaine is about to bid him farewell and head off to the choir room to meet up with his friends. However, Sebastian finds himself hesitant to let Blaine go, so he blurts out the first thing he can think of, something he's wanted to tell the other boy for awhile now.

"I didn't take them," he announces, and Blaine's lips press into a thoughtful line as he looks back at Sebastian with an unreadable expression on his face. "The steroids, I didn't...I wouldn't."

The confession is finally out there, but Sebastian still holds his breath, because Blaine has absolutely no reason to believe him. He doesn't even know why he's so desperate to see that the other boy knows the truth, but the need is there anyway, unyielding. He's wanted to clear things up between them since the news broke back in January, but he just hasn't had the chance, and though this may not be the ideal time, it is an opportunity nonetheless.

"...I didn't think you did," Blaine states at last.

Some of the tension fades from Sebastian's shoulders.

"Why?" he ends up asking.

"Because you're better than that," Blaine murmurs, and the words are spoken so gently and honestly that a lump begins to form in Sebastian's throat.

Blaine Anderson has always seen the best in people, and Sebastian Smythe himself is apparently no exception.

He inhales a deep breath to steady himself, urging his voice to remain calm as he replies, "thanks for believing in me, I guess."

Blaine's nod is almost imperceptible, but then he is offering Sebastian a small, genuine smile, one that sends warmth skittering along Sebastian's spine. His hands fall to his pockets, and Sebastian glances downwards to spot Blaine's thumb pressing almost absently against the outline of an object there, a slight, anxious tic that he takes as his cue to make his departure.

"Give me a call, okay?" Blaine requests, and Sebastian instantly agrees, his lips quirking upwards almost reflexively. Blaine smiles back, and it feels _good_, like maybe coming all the way out here tonight had been a good idea after all.

The moment finally breaks as the auditorium doors open once more, and Sebastian turns to follow Blaine's gaze over his shoulder. Kurt stops in the doorway, his eyes darting back and forth between the two of them, and Sebastian resists the urge to ball his hands into fists, instead rotating back around to say goodbye to Blaine.

Except Blaine isn't looking at him, now; his attention is focused solely on Kurt, a fondness creeping into his gaze, and the sight causes something unpleasant to squeeze at Sebastian's chest. He doesn't fail to spot the way Blaine's fingers linger over the object in his pocket, and he'd much rather not think about what that object could be.

With a low _talk to you later_ that Blaine hardly acknowledges, Sebastian makes his way silently down the hall and resolutely doesn't look back.


End file.
